If All You Have Is a Hammer

"Go, Ann, go!"

Ann was a small and stocky woman who, lately, was something of an eating contest champion. She was stuffing hot dog after hot dog down her gullet at an unmatchable pace. Some of the crowd cheered her on as she did, particularly her boyfriend. She was a more recent champion, but very successful since her first win two weeks ago. She was approaching 50 with no sign of slowing down, let alone a sign that she had even eaten that many. Time was nearly up and she was eating each hot dog as if it were her first.

A loudspeaker crackled to life. "TIME!" It shouted, further cracking the speaker. On a stage behind the contestants, a flashily dressed man extended his arm towards Ann. "In FIRST PLACE we have our turnabout, the rising star ANN! Just two weeks ago she had a sudden reversal as she went from a last-place contestant that lost her lunch often to a world-class eater. Ann, care to tell the audience your tricks?"

She laughed and cracked a smile, elbowing him. "Oh Frank, you kidder. You know a magician never reveals her tricks!"

The crowd laughed with her and Frank. "Right you are, Ann! The way you manage to eat those franks is almost magical itself, yet all are eaten and none are left! No cheats here, folks, just overpowering gluttony! Give her a hand."

The crowd erupted in applause and cheering and she made eye contact with her boyfriend near the front. He smiled, waved at her and gestured towards the edge of the grounds. Frank wrapped up quickly, handing Ann a ten-dollar bill. With that, she reunited with her boyfriend on the side of the grounds and promptly received a big hug. He backed off once it occurred to him that "Maybe I shouldn't squeeze you after you ate all those. Sorry."

She shook her head. "It's really no problem Sam. Even right now they don't feel like anything. Though I'll certainly be feeling them in a couple days!" They laughed about that a little as they started to walk down the street.

"Well, I must say, you are quite impressive. When you told me you'd won one of these on our first date, I thought you were pulling my leg!"

"Believe me now?"

"Certainly. Though I wonder, considering you managed to stuff fifty-something dogs down, is there anything that can make you break a sweat or even show a sign you've eaten so much?"

Ann thought for a moment as if trying to recall something. Then she shrugged. "Not that I know of. Got any ideas? Not that I'm hungry, but it's not like I'm full either, so I'm down."

Sam also thought for a moment. "I have an idea."

They stopped by a market on the way to her house. Sam very generously paid for a number of large foods, such as the biggest watermelon available, a pumpkin, and a sack of potatoes. She had to help carry one of the gourds back, but it would be worth it for trying out her somewhat newfound abilities. They opened the door with some effort and placed the food on the countertop in the kitchen. Ann asked, "Well Sam, where would you like to start?"

"I figured we should start with the sack of potatoes. It's not that much bigger than those hot dogs you just had but," he shook the bag for effect, "it's a lot of potatoes."

She patted her stomach and said, "Well, I just had probably that many hot dogs, so this should be easy."

He laughed. "If you say so. Just say uncle if you're feeling too full."

She shook her head and opened the sack, taking out a potato and biting into it like an apple. She shuddered a little. "Urmph. Doesn't actually taste that good." She swallowed the chunk anyway.

Her boyfriend raised an eyebrow saying, "Yeah, you don't want to like, cook them or something?"

She quickly scarfed down the rest of the potato while shaking her head. "It'll be faster this way. And I think I can kinda skip the taste if I just..." She pulled out a second potato and started trying to cram the entire thing in her mouth. Sam watched with increasing interest as she fit more and more in until finally the entire potato was just barely inside. Then he switched to astonishment as she, with strong effort, began to swallow it whole. Her throat began to bulge slightly, then more as she swallowed more. He watched it slide down until it finally disappeared behind her chest.

"That was... Wow. Are you okay, Ann?"

"Yeah. I've been thinking I might be able to do that for a while, I just hadn't really tried before." She picked up a third one and repeated the same process, a little faster. A fourth. A fifth. Even if it wasn't as fast as the hot dogs, she was picking up the pace quickly. Sam looked around her to see if she was somehow disappearing the potatoes, but the only place they were disappearing was down her gullet. Eleven. Twelve.

For the last two in the sack, she decided to try fitting them both in at the same time. It worked with remarkable ease, though she wasn't even that surprised. Sam, however, was. One big throat bulge later and they were gone. He took a seat and just shook his head in amazement. "Wow. A whole sack of potatoes... And still not a sign they were ever even here."

She shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a two-time food contest champ. Now, that watermelon will be the real test I think." She reached for the watermelon, pulling it towards her. She examined it all over, trying to judge the best way to start. It was a large ovaloid watermelon, easily as big as her head, albeit longer. She decided it would probably be best if she started from the long end, to minimize how wide her mouth would have to stretch. Lifting up the watermelon carefully, she began to feed it to herself.

It was a bit hard to do both, which Sam noticed. He said, "Let me help," and took hold of the watermelon so she could focus on swallowing it. He pushed it in slowly, letting her mouth adjust and her throat get a grip. Sam was surprised at how smoothly it was going, pulling the watermelon down easily. Her mouth was stretched to a ridiculous point, along with her throat. He could hear the continuous glk, glk, glk as she continued to gulp the fruit down. It didn't seem like she was struggling, just taking her time.

At the very end, Sam was able to let go. She closed her mouth around the end of the watermelon, allowing him to observe. Her neck was a wide pipe as she finished up, yet... Absolutely nothing showed up below her collarbone. He got down on one knee, earning a quizzical look from Ann as he inspected her stomach. He put his hand on it, trying to feel around for anything and discovering nothing. It wasn't as if her belly was flat, but there should still be some sign. She finished swallowing the watermelon and hit her chest as if to clear it. "Whew. Find anything down there, detective?"

"No, nothing! It's as if the watermelon vanished... Maybe your throat's crushing it down? But it doesn't seem to shrink as it goes down or anything. How can you do that?"

"Oh you know, a bit of magic," she said, chuckling.

He shook his head in amazement. "And you're not full?"

She shook her head.

"Lordy. Do you still wanna try the pumpkin?"

"Sure. Though maybe try... pushing it into my mouth? That watermelon was too slow."

"Pushing it into your mouth? Are you sure you won't hurt yourself doing that?"

"Probably."

He lifted up the pumpkin, shaking his head in disbelief. "Okay, if you say SO!" He promptly shoved it in, producing a muffled exclamation from her. Though clearly nothing serious, since she managed to start swallowing promptly. This gourd moved in a lot faster than the last, helped along by her boyfriend pushing instead of just gravity. A little uncomfortable for her, but not that big of a deal otherwise. Just like last time, the pumpkin stretched her lips ridiculously, then her throat.

Unlike last time, Sam had his hands on the pumpkin when it entered her mouth. He was pushing it in when suddenly her lips wrapped around his wrists, much to his surprise. Neither had been keeping track of the pumpkin's entrance, not that Ann would have been able to speak. Fortunately, after a bit of embarrassed blushing and laughter from each, he was able to simply pull his hands out of her mouth. She quickly swallowed down the rest after that and it disappeared just like the other food into the black hole that was her stomach. "Alllll done! Took a little long, but that food was no match for moi." She patted her stomach to emphasize how it had not expanded an inch despite all the food she'd had within the past few hours. It just gurgled quietly.

"That was really... Wow. I mean, I've heard of big eaters, but you're something else."

"I'll take that as a compliment! Too bad none of it was that tasty, except your hands at the end there."

He laughed, tempered by how the feeling stirred him. Then he looked at his watch and realized how dark it'd gotten. "Oh snap, I gotta go Ann. I have work tomorrow and-"

"Why don't you stay the night instead?" She interrupted quickly.

Sam paused, a little stunned. It would be the first time. He saw now that she was blushing too, feeling the same intimacy they shared for a moment. He swallowed and asked, "Would... that be okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, I don't have another bed, but you don't have to sleep on the sofa or anything, and I can set an alarm for you if you'd like--"

He interrupted this time with, "Sounds lovely, Ann. I'd be thrilled to spend the night with you." They smiled brightly at each other, looking forward to their first night together.

*/^\*

Sam woke up a few hours early. It was the middle of the night still and he wasn't sure what got him to wake up so early. He saw Ann curled around the bottom of the bed, basically upside down to him. He laughed quietly to himself, calling her a klutz. He decided he'd get out of bed for a moment when he realized he couldn't move his legs. Well, to be precise, he could, but he couldn't move them much. They were wrapped up tight in the blanket and awkwardly bent, it felt like.

He tried to throw off the blanket, but it too was stuck. He tried to pull his legs out of the blanket, but that also seemed undoable for whatever reason. Annoyed and at the risk of waking Ann up, he turned on a lamp next to the bed. When he looked back, he realized the problem. He was waist-deep in his girlfriend. She was deep asleep, but now he could tell he was inching deeper inside her. His legs bulged out her throat but there wasn't so much as a bump lower than that.

Some part of him earlier wondered what was happening to the food she ate, but he definitely didn't want to find out firsthand. "Ann? Ann? I need you to wake up." She made a very muffled snore in response as she continued upwards, much like a snake. He renewed his attempts to wriggle out, but it didn't seem to accomplish anything. He, along with the blanket, was slipping in further and further and soon there would be no sign he was there. He reached his hands down to try and pry himself out, pushing on the parts of the blanket next to the sides of her face. He stopped the perpetual pull for a moment. Then his hands slipped past her face into an awfully damp space.

He froze when that happened. Only parts of his hands were outside of the blanket and he could feel her tongue savoring those parts, sliming over them. She made pleased noises, clearly enjoying some big meal-- a massive hot dog? Some sort of Dagwood? Either way, she soon moved on, pulling his hands and arms deeper inside. He felt them compress, wrapped by the blanket but also by tight flesh as they were pulled into her esophagus. He tried to tug them out, but somehow she seemed to have an unbreakably solid hold.

For not much longer, he pleaded with Ann to wake up, let him go, anything really. He watched by lamp light as she crept closer and closer to his head, engulfing more and more of him. Until finally, just like all the other food she had yesterday, she closed her lips around the back of his head and swallowed deeply. From there Sam went into total darkness, only able to rely on the approaching and fading heartbeat of his girlfriend to tell where he was going. He felt strange as he traveled down her throat, even more than he might've expected. The feeling passed as he finally passed some sort of horizon and found himself in what he presumed to be her stomach.

It was an awful space, walls churning around as they finished up a slurry of the food she'd eaten yesterday. He couldn't see anything, but he could feel thick chyme below him and smell the acid in the air. Pushing against the stomach walls that sought to grind against him, he realized they would stretch as far as he wanted. They were always tight against him, but there didn't seem to be any limit to their flexibility. He could even almost stretch out all the way, though it still took effort to go against the stomach's natural shape.

He wondered how that could possibly be working. Shouldn't he be hitting something, like the bed or her other organs? He wondered if she looked grotesquely stretched from outside, with the shape of a man trapped beneath her skin. At the same time, none of the food had appeared. He doubted he was any different. He tried shouting for her, but it wasn't like she heard him when he was outside. He wondered if she would wake up and realize where he was. He wondered if he would last that long.

*/^\*

Ann woke up a few hours late. It was well past sunrise, with the alarm still blaring and herself sprawled all over the bed. She crawled over and slapped the clock to get it to stop for the time being. Then she fell back down onto the bed, burying herself in her pillow and stretching out. She propped herself up after a few more seconds, yawning. She looked around for a few moments in a daze as she realized something was missing. Sam! And her blanket?

That was odd. She looked at the clock again, realizing now it was pretty late. He would've had to leave for work earlier. She yawned again, musing to herself about how deep of a sleeper she was. Hope I didn't bother him with my sleeping, she thought. She noticed that the lamp was left on and reached over to turn it off. Guess he was in a rush. Shame he left without saying goodbye... But maybe he couldn't get me up. Though he didn't turn off the alarm either...?

She shrugged the thoughts off, unsure what to make of them besides the fact he wasn't there. She turned and got off the bed, turning off the alarm proper and stretching again. She walked into the bathroom, standing on a scale before changing clothes. The scale's disc rotated around, settling comfortably near 150. Looks like those fruits and veggies from yesterday probably did add a couple pounds. Or the hot dogs. Or both. Not a big deal. Her belly didn't look any bigger than yesterday. She switched into clothes fit for a jog, per her morning routine.

Before that jog though, she decided to whip up a nice breakfast for herself. She was oddly not hungry, but she knew it'd be tasty anyway (and she could fit it all). Bacon, eggs, pancakes, hash browns, the works. For the time it took to cook, she scarfed it all down in a miniscule fraction of that. She patted her belly, finally enjoying a tasty meal after the fruits and vegetables from yesterday. Although she could faintly remember having a delicious dream. Speaking of sleeping, she decided she'd phone in on her boyfriend, apologize for being such a heavy sleeper.

She picked up a phone at the edge of the kitchen and dialed in her boyfriend's office. After a few moments of ringing, a secretary picked up. Ann asked, "Hey, is Sam there?"

The other end said simply, "I'm sorry, Sam hasn't come in for work yet. If you want, I can take a message."

Ann paused for a moment to try and think about what that meant. Did he just go home? Was he out doing something else? The phone interrupted her train of thought, so she just responded, "No, thanks. I'll talk to him later," and hung up. She stood by the phone for a moment to try and think further, but decided a jog would be the best way to think through that. So she finally got her shoes on and stepped outside.

It was a cool 60-something this early in the morning with partly cloudy skies. Ideal weather for jogging. Unfortunately, her mind wasn't in the best of states after hearing that Sam was missing. She wondered where he could've gone and why. Maybe she'd try calling his house when she got back. To make matters worse, while she was deep in her thoughts, she heard her pants tear. She stopped to check out the damage and immediately found that they had burst on each side somehow, torn apart with skin peeking out between some surviving strings. That was odd, she didn't think her pants were that tight.

She decided to turn around and head back to her house early. Her body was starting to feel sluggish anyway. Unfortunately, before she could get inside, a similarly-aged woman who she knew as Kathy who lived two houses down made eye contact. Ann politely smiled at her, receiving the same in kind and more as she came up to talk. "Hey Ann, cutting your jog a little short?"

Ann, a little embarrassed but also eager to get out of the conversation, gestured to her pants. "Yeah, just tore my pants on something, so I figured I'd head back early."

Kathy glanced with a look of pity. "Oh, you poor thing. Listen, if you ever need any help... I'm here for you."

The comment confused Ann. "Oh... thanks? It shouldn't be a problem to get new pants."

"I didn't mean the pants, I meant..." Her neighbor looked to each side and then leaned in, whispering, "The eating? You looked so upset when you left the house earlier, I thought something might've gone wrong with your guy."

The eating? How could she know about the... Ann looked downwards, tracking Kathy's own eyes darting. Her sweatshirt was riding up on her belly, which was protruding well ahead for anyone to see. Not to mention, she suddenly became aware that many other areas of her body were tighter than usual, from her chest to her rear. This can't be happening, she thought to herself. Not out of denial, but out of actual impossibility. She realized she was still standing in front of Kathy, oddly groping herself. She flashed her a quick smile, thanked her, and hurried back inside her home.

Something was wrong. She suspected as much before and she knew with certainty now. She went back to the bathroom scale, which quickly spun to read a very hearty 300. Not far off from the maximum. She backed off of the scale and checked again. The same. Maybe even a little more? Looking at the bathroom mirror she could very clearly see that, for some reason, she had gained nearly her own body weight. Primarily on her own belly but also in other areas.

She sat down on the edge of the tub trying to think about what could've possibly made her that fat. The hot dogs definitely didn't, since they didn't last time. The potatoes? She doubted it. The fruit, definitely not. Her breakfast should still be stewing in her magic gut, not that she could exactly check. So what was it? ...Was it connected to Sam somehow? Did he feed her something else while she was sleeping...? She was a deep sleeper, but she wasn't sure if she was a sleep-eater.

As she approached a conclusion, she felt something coming up her throat for the first time in two weeks. Something solid. A belch bubbled up out of her, rattling her bathroom with a loud, wet BUUUUUOOORUUUP. During the several seconds that took, a few things took the opportunity to leave her body. She wiped her lips and looked down on the floor to see some stained patches of blanket and a rather destroyed pair of boxers. Sam's boxers.

She stared at the boxers for a few minutes to take it in. No wonder she got so fat. If she ate Sam, whole, the amount of calories he must've had... Under her breath, she cursed the woman she met in the alley that day those weeks ago. Just when things were looking up, too. Clutching at her belly's softness, she almost laughed. If it wasn't for all the extra weight after her body broke him down, she would have never known where he went. There could be an entire person in her body and still her stomach wouldn't grow an inch, at least not until later.

Something about the idea tickled her. A whole man inside her stomach without her knowing. Without anyone knowing. She wouldn't even feel it. She wondered how he tasted. Perhaps like the most savory of meats? A strip of jerky? Then she wondered... How many people could fit inside my stomach?