Voretober 2022 - ADVENTURE

Phil found it in the back of an antique store, in a box that looked like it hadn’t seen light in years. It was a full setup for a tabletop RPG of some kind. The rulebook with it lacked a front cover with any sort of logo, and he couldn’t find one inside, but it seemed to be some rip-off. Either way, a worthwhile grab. It had predefined character cards, pieces, even a board of some kind. He just had to run a campaign with it.

Weeks later, when he’d finally worked out a time where all his friends could hang out together, it began. They had the whole day for themselves to play at Phil’s apartment. It was a premade scenario they were starting with, just to test the waters. While he set up his own DM equipment, the rest dug through the box for character cards. After about half an hour of discussing and pointing out different parts, they finally decided.

Simon was playing as Kuso, a half-orc druid. Remi was Bolgawyrm, a red dragonborn wizard. And Ana was Vistra, a hill dwarf fighter. It was difficult to see them as picking anything else, they thought. In fact, they started getting into character as soon as they’d finished choosing. Phil didn’t have a character, but he slipped into referring to them as their own characters quite easily. He even felt awkward referring to them as their ‘real’ names.

Soon, the roleplaying started. The beginning seemed rather boilerplate to him, but everyone else was immersed. Every action, every bit of dialogue was acted perfectly in-character. All they were doing was getting a quest from the local adventurer guild. That said, Phil couldn’t help but put his all into roleplaying the NPCs they talked to. “Ho ho!” he exclaimed, as Turval, their guildmaster. “Glad to see you three again! As you may have heard, I have a mission for you all.”

He detailed how there was a sorcerer in the north, threatening villages near there as well as harboring grander ambitions. He’s been attempting to stir to action the red dragons there, or if not, take control of one. “And so,” Turval continued, “I come to you three. Bolgawyrm, you are good friends with a red dragon up there, are you not?”

The dragonborn grunted, “I’m not sure good is the best descriptor, but we aren’t enemies.”

Turval laughed. “Close enough! I suggest you visit him, before this sorcerer has a chance to turn his ear against you. I’ll leave you three to discuss a plan of action. Best regards!”

While the three discussed among themselves, Phil worked on getting some extra encounters ready for the trip up to the mountains. There was a lot ahead and-

“Phil?” Vistra said, pulling him out of his focus. “We decided how we’re going to get up there.”

“Oh, that was fast. Uh, how do you plan on doing it?”

She gestured towards Bolgawyrm, who declared, “As a sorcerer of the 13th level, I am capable of using the spell Teleport. Shedex’s lair is very familiar to me.”

Phil was surprised, and a little disappointed they were going to skip over so much. But he was indeed capable, once a ‘long rest’. “Very well... Roll for the teleport.”

The first roll of the game. Bolgawyrm reached for two d10s. To maximize tension, he rolled them one at a time. The first one would be the first digit. He tossed it across the table, and just before it fell off, it stopped on a 0. The party groaned, although Phil was grinning. Now there was the chance of being teleported somewhere unintended. Unless Bolgawyrm was lucky enough to roll another 0.

Bolgawyrm blew on the last die, shook it in his hand, and then let it go. It clattered across the table, rolling across every possible result. Until it stopped right next to its other half on an edge... and finally fell on a 1. While the rest of them complained and sarcastically talked about what a good start they were off to, Phil quickly referenced the rules behind his DM screen. “Okay everyone, looks like a roll of 1 is the lowest possible mishap! Which means...” While he tried to think of something he popped up to see everyone’s reactions. But nobody was there.

“Where did you all--” Phil’s sentence was cut off by a sharp pain in his stomach. He clutched his middle, but he could feel it quickly growing under his hand. In an instant, his gut shot out, knocking over the table they were using. In its space hung his belly, large and lumpy with three very distinct shapes. His shirt didn’t survive the expansion well, splitting raggedly over the top. Meanwhile the bottom of his stomach against the floor. Phil involuntarily let out a loud HUOOOORRRRPH that didn’t help much, but ensured the characters in his belly started squirming.

While he was confused, horrified, and queasy, he realized what had happened. A dragonic voice, that of Shedex, rose in his throat to boast, “Seems a dragonborn and his so-called friends have seen fit to offer me a meal! I prefer to taste my dinner, but this will do nicely.” Phil blocked his mouth with his hand, stifling another sickly belch as he could hear Bolgawyrm complaining loudly within his gut.

He had to get his friends out of there. But he didn’t know how they got in to begin with. If it was the teleport... would they have to get out in-character? But then what would happen if... Phil reached down to the floor and picked up a handful of d6 that happened to be near him. He burped painfully as he did, but he felt compelled to make the roll. “Oh god... I’m sorry everyone. You-- hurrp-- take 29 acid damage.” His stomach gurgled as the damage happened.

Over the course of an hour, they slowly went through turn after turn of acid damage, the group trying various maneuvers he could barely hear. But none of them were successful, except to stave off their terrible fate. Phil taunted in-character as Shedex between rounds, always feeling terrible afterwards as he rolled for acid damage. They would grow softer, someone would heal, he would taunt, and the loop repeated.

Bolgawyrm fainted first. Remi wasn’t around to make his death saving throws, but it wouldn’t have mattered if he was. One by one, the entire party transformed into nothing but dragon chyme. Shedex cackled, “To think even he digested so easily! What a waste.” Then, finally, Phil was alone. He was just a human, sitting in a messy room with a grotesquely large belly. The only sign anything strange had even happened that day.